Sunday, May 24, 2009

A Frat Encounter

LG Meeting: May 23, 1pm at Laurel Park. So I was there at exactly 1pm...or maybe not...I may have arrived 2 minutes after one. I was busy reviewing the topic for LG for a good 30 minutes when a group of men passed by. Not that they had my interest at all. So I went back to reading. I was enjoying my solitude when another guy, alone this time, walked near my personal space with his MP3 playing some loud songs I wouldn't dare figure out. He looked at me and went on his way. Okay. Now I had my peace back. I didn't really notice the group I was supposed to meet was nearing an hour late, until this guy approached me, trying to be cool and all that, and asked me why I was alone etc etc. I tried to answer as casually as possible. Seeing all my books and the bible, he began asking me about Christianity and my faith. He was starting to get on my nerves asking me a bunch of questions showing no interest at all on the answers, when two other guys came. Great. Now I had more audience. The new guy seemed more reserved and was actually listening to me lecture (for the lack of a better term coz I may have seemed to be really lecturing), while the other one was not interested at all. He just sat there with his back on me. The first guy however, kept his Mr.-Know-It-All aura and a good deal of arrogance. I didn't really want to answer any of his questions with that attitude, but I tried to be polite and extend some form of compassion. He kept on throwing objections and ridicule when I noticed his black shirt with an imprinted name of a well-known fraternity. So I dropped the lecturing tone, and had nothing left to do but smile...and make a quick HELP ALERT to my beloved LG. And after a while, at long long last, they came to rescue me. Yay! But the guys interrogating me had already left just seconds ago. Amazing they came all at the same time, as if they were just hiding somewhere, watching me and when I was a bit scared enough they just appeared to say "Surprise!!!" Seeing them gave me an enormous amount of relief. And so I cried. Not out of fear guys ha, but out of relief. I had to include the crying part, kasi yan ang highlight para sa mga heroes ko hmpf! Really, we can never expect when or where people such as these frat members would approach us and question us about our faith. I wonder what it's going to be like in the end days where we will be forced to renounce our faith. We, believers, don't have to satisfy their questions nor enter into a debate with them. But we ought not to be intimidated by their egotism nor fear their "power." We always have those people to count on (yihee thanks guys!) and of course a more powerful God to back us up.

Wednesday, May 13, 2009


*Another people-from-the-past post*

I find meeting people from childhood exciting. I can just imagine them 15 years ago - all those soiled looks because of endless playing, the talking about the cartoon shows that seemed so important then, all those little fights - then suddenly bump into them one day all grown up. I find it interesting to see how they look and behave now.

A few months ago, I learned that an employee of one of the biggest clients I have right now was a classmate in grade school. We've talked a lot on the phone and she was pretty nice to me. She was even addressing me very politely and was accommodating with my requests and inquiries.

So when I got an invitation for a supplier's engagement in their company, I was thrilled to see her and maybe catch up a little. After all I haven't seen her since 6th grade. Honestly, I'm not really fond of small talks with people from the past whom I have not shared relevant memories with, and I have to admit sometimes I even hide (literally) to people if I'm not in a very nice mood to greet them (which happens very often). But with this particular case, I was really excited. Her being my client added up to the excitement of course.

I entered the conference room with a bunch of people in the registration area and instantly I spotted her. Even with glasses on, I already recognized her. I put on the warmest smile I could ever give to someone and waited for her to return my look.

Finally, she saw me.

"Hi." And she went back to fixing whatever those papers were and instructing all those in the registration.

That was all I got. I didn't have the nerve to go on with the "how are you" after my friendliest "hi" since she didn't seem interested on pursuing any form of conversation with me.

I don't recall any instance that I was mean to her nor did we fight in 6th grade. Even so, it was in 6th grade for goodness' sake. I wonder why was she not so pleasant as she seemed on the phone. I'm thinking maybe she thought it was improper to be all friendly in a professional setting as that. Or maybe she was not just in the mood. Is this what I get from hiding from people? Or maybe she's just not very friendly at all. The bad thing is, I felt a certain air of arrogance in her actions and even in her short hi. It felt like "Oh well I work in this company and you're just my contractor."

Obviously, I'm overanalyzing again. I may be overreacting but I really find her greeting very forced and rude.

I just wish I wasn't that excited to deserve a very ordinary reaction.

Tuesday, May 12, 2009

It's Hard to be Ugly

I had a short chat with a former college classmate whom I have not seen for more than 5 years already. I’m really surprised every time I bump into “old people” in my life and after the how are you’s, the next question would automatically be “are you getting married yet?” or “do you have a boyfriend?” At this age, is it really mandatory to ask those questions? (Maybe I’m overanalyzing this again because I don’t have a boyfriend haha. That's a different story.)

Anyway, so I had to tell the truth of course that I’m not seeing anyone. Instinctively, I felt I had to ask him the same question. And more surprisingly, he said “It’s hard to be ugly.”

Wait!!! I don’t know how to answer that statement! Should I boost his confidence? Should I say oh poor you…?

Most guys I get to talk with have a big mouth, talking endlessly about themselves. Even if they are not objectively handsome, they remain to be OVERLY confident, which sometimes leaves me wondering where they get that confidence from. So I guess, I find those guys “normal.”

However, this is one very rare case that a guy bluntly said to me that he is ugly. If ever I need to ask a guy if he’s seeing anyone, I would expect a plain yes or no answer and then shift back to talking about himself. I don’t really like guys who feel that every species on earth would swoon at the sight of them, but meeting someone who does not have even scraps of confidence makes me draw back from him.

I almost told him he will never have a girlfriend if he talks like that to everyone he meets! Does he think anyone would still go out with him after hearing him say that he himself thinks he is ugly? But of course I didn’t go all motherly with him and give him a lecture on how to handle proper conversation with girls!

But maybe he’s just kidding? Nah, no sane person would do that.

Sunday, May 3, 2009

When Writing About Me is Hard To Do

I read several blogs almost everyday and most of the time I am amazed how people are able to open up their life online.

I find it hard to write about me. Originally, this blog should serve that purpose. But my daily dilemma when I face the computer is- what do I write about?

Main reasons why I find it hard to write about me:

1. My life seems boring. Can't find anything interesting to write about. I spend about 10 hours a day at work. That's a family business so technically I'm with my family 24/7.
2. Some of my real friends know this blog so I can't really say what I want to say without worrying about spilling too much.
3. I write me in a third person. I mask my life stories into something not-so-me. My other blog reflects more about me.
4. I'm afraid of being judged. Too much. Even if about 80% who gets to read my blog don't know me at all, I feel people can see right through me and have a preconceived idea of me.
5. Clearly, I overthink.

Tuesday, April 28, 2009

For Comments and Suggestions...

Do you see those "for comments and suggestions, write/call us at..." in food labels?

I'm the kind of customer who always writes them back. Always. Call me weird but I just love talking to customer representatives, commenting on their new packaging, complaining on the services. Everything there is to comment about. Maybe I got that from my Service Marketing class in college. I never want to get less than what I'm paying for. So even in restaurants, I'm such a pain in the ass.

Last week I had this random desire to write a company. I sent an email to Nestle Philippines who manufacture Chuckie. It's a chocolate drink and I've always loved it since I was a kid. (It was not called Chuckie then.) I had a "problem" with its straw, which they changed to make it more fun, supposedly. But it wasn't fun at all. The straw that should be able to extend, most of the time, is detached, which leaves me and my dad having to drink from just half of the straw. So I wrote them saying I like the old straw better. And I was happy they wrote me back saying they would consider my suggestion on their next product planning.
Have you ever done something like this before? It may not be as strangely irrelevant as this, but I'd like to know if I share this habit with anyone else. =)

Saturday, April 25, 2009

8 Stuffs

This is my second tag from Mel but I haven't done the first one yet.. (Sorry!)

8 Things I look forward to:

1. Playing with my 4-month old niece after office. I love it when she lights up upon seeing me and gives me that huge toothless grin!
2. My 1-year old nephew's first visit in the Philippines. He can walk now and he's so cute when I saw him in YouTube!
3. Watching Wolverine with my church group. I hope I get the free ticket!
4. Beach party with the college kids! It's summer and we're planning to have a youth party. I may have to cook the pasta again for them but well, it's gonna be fun!
5. Spending a weekend with the entire family- as in complete family, with the new members! (Yes, the niece and nephew again.) Maybe we'll just eat out or spend it in Ocean Adventure at Subic.
6. Fire Trees! They bloom in May! I pass by that road every summer just to stare at those trees.
7. Davids concert. Gonna watch it with my century old bud.
8. Another vacation trip this year, just in the country.

8 Things I Did Yesterday

1. Bought new phone, finally!
2. Took a huge glass of lemon juice. It's good for liver detoxification. I take it every morning, as soon as I wake up.
3. Chat with an old friend and updated her on the last break up I've heard. That's the 3rd for this month.
4. Shared a ride with a churchmate who has a calling to become a pastor. That's just amazing!
5. Ate pizza and pasta at Sbarro all by myself while watching previous episodes of Greys Anatomy so I won't seem to be such a big loser for eating alone.
6. Had a therapy to check how my immune system is doing.
7. Explored my new phone I'm really enjoying. Now it's easier to blog anywhere!
8. Checked out couple of blogs and did this tag. I'll do the other one soon, Mel! =)

8 Things I Wish I Could Do

1. Always say the right words at the right time.
2. Sing. Tried voice lessons in the past but still it didn't work. Well, I have an excuse though. I just had 2 sessions of it.
3. Tell what people are thinking.
4. Go to places without needing a passport. (By mere closing of my eyes, perhaps?) I really want to go to Japan this May! Heard it's beautiful there during this season...
5. Understand the meaning of babies' cries and what they really need instead of trying everything before I get it right. I've seen it in Oprah once. (Meanings of baby cries). I'm not sure if it's true, though.
6. Cook. I know how to cook just TWO dishes and I still need a cook book just to make sure sure sure that I get it right.
7. Be like Hiro Nakamura. Go back in time and be at those moments when I could have told my mom how much I love her before she passed away.
8. Carry out the task intended for me to do, before my time is up.

8 Shows I Watch:

1. American Idol. I'm a Gokey fan.
2. Grey's Anatomy
3. Any cooking show that's on.
The end. I spend too much time out or reading, I don't get to watch tv anymore.

I'm tagging everyone now. =) It's quite fun assessing what you're doing everyday or what's going on in your mind. This 8 things really made me think. =)

Monday, April 20, 2009

Two of the Many Me’s

1st Scenario: I’m with a group of college students having casual conversations- school, clothing, parties, French fries, name it- and I am that chatty and loud person, giggling to almost everything like a little school girl. And they adore me.

2nd Scenario: I’m with a group of people of my age (probably I’m the youngest) and we talk about something more serious- life, Christianity, health, politics (Ugh! I read the paper but I am not a fan of meditating on what’s happening in the country.) Still, I’d like to believe I give relevant insights on these conversations. I may sometimes be lazy, but I’m not dumb to have my opinion on the profundity of things.

So all of these leave me wondering what I’m really like in front of people? Am I the serious type who can deal with talking about life’s complexities or am I the one who laughs crazily over the most insignificant detail one can ever talk about?

I get the respect of different people on different age brackets, from 40 somethings down to 3 year-olds, when I’m really in the intellectual zone. I get all big-sisterly over the college kids and they seem to learn from me. But then again I also do behave in a way that I can relate to them that makes me feel so childish I wonder the other generation would be surprised upon learning how silly I can also get.

I haven’t really been all chatty with the grown ups because I feel compelled to act more maturely. And I ought to. I am 25! They certainly have fun in a different way than the young ones. I do enjoy both, but I’m hesitant to be giggly or to jump in excitement in front them. I’m supposed to be respectable!

Now I wonder, am I authentic or fraud? Am I a grown up or pretending to be?

Thursday, April 16, 2009

This Isn't About American Idol

Yesterday I was all set to go home early to catch up with American Idol’s elimination. Yes, I’m a huge fan (of any singing competition for that matter). I have already searched it online early in the morning and I already knew who was going to be eliminated. Thanks to those blogging live! But still I wanted to catch it on the replay.

On my way home I called my friend who was supposed to be watching the concert of Season 7's two Davids with me this coming May. I couldn't wait to confirm our reservation and she has not answered any of my calls this week! After another try to contact her, she finally picked up. Yay. But it was only for me to find out that she might not make it because of some meeting/conference/seminar. It all sounded the same to me. What else can I do, right?

I already wanted to hang up, thinking of someone else to come with me, but she was trying to hold the call for a few more seconds. All right, you're not decided yet if you want to watch, can we say bye bye now? Finally, after those few seconds of uneasiness, she said she wanted to see me and probably hang out at Starbucks. Oh yeah, I missed a tiny detail. She's the one whose ex recently broadcasted his being in a new relationship. Of course she wanted someone to talk to and sure I wanted to be a good friend. American Idol... "It's elimination today! Matt is going home!" I unknowingly blurted out. Did I just say that?

"What???" I could already imagine her eyes almost bursting into tears. Would I choose a TV show over a friend in need? Her reproach made me feel guilty of course. But I just wanted to loosen her up so instead of going to Starbucks and reinstating how miserable she is, maybe coming over to my house to watch TV wouldn't be so bad? And I'd be happy too! *wink

But then again, I'm not heartless... Instead of my room's big screen, I was up to massive amount of sugar intake! (I try to go away with coffee so I ordered the lesser evil- green tea frapp minus the whipped cream.) I listened to her stories, as if it were the first time I ever heard of it. She was filled with questions and was in denial I've never witnessed in my entire life! They've already had problems for over a year now and officially broke up 7 months ago, but still she feels dejected and cheated.

Of course I know how hard it is. She was still hoping for a reconciliation even when she was told the feelings were not the same anymore and that it was over. Until now. I couldn't bear seeing her that way and I wanted to shake her again and again to wake her up from her nightmare. It's long been over and she couldn't accept it.

No matter what I tell her, I know the choice remains to be hers. Either she locks herself up to that detestable position of wanting to fix something that's long been broken to the point that the pieces already cuts herself, or she accepts the reality already glaring in front of her.

It's going to be a long and agonizing ride.

By the way, I knew there was another replay later that night. =)

Sunday, April 12, 2009


I got a call from my friend 2 hours ago and I knew right away that there was a problem. She never calls on midmornings if everything were fine. And in a split second, she appeared at my office crying her heart out, wailing at the news that her ex-boyfriend has a new girlfriend already. I never thought she’d be able to get to my office after hearing her on the phone. I was thinking she might get into an accident or something. That was how terrible she sounded.

I’ve always had a hard time comforting people crying in front of me. Of course I couldn’t say “don’t worry it’s gonna be okay” knowing that at the state of her hysteria, that kind of consolation is totally unacceptable. If I were in her place, that would really be illogical.

I was thinking how would I want to be consoled in that situation? I’ve had my share of heartbreaks and my mind was closed from any form of explanation. All I wanted was to pour out my misery and to be heard.

Maybe that was what she needed as well. But still, would I just sit there watching her burst in tears? It was kind of awkward to even touch her as I might invade her personal space in her panic attack and suffer all her surfacing rage! I didn’t want to be hit or slapped in the face after all.

By some magical moments that have passed, she calmed down. And I had to be hard on her saying that it’s over. (As if I were the one who broke up with her.) She had to hear it straight because between her little sobs, I could already hear her unthinkable ideas that it might not be true, maybe that was just a joke.

I mean, c’mon! It was as clear as the summer sky that the guy had already moved on. And I cannot accept that a dear friend of mind would be stuck in a deep, pathetic mess while the ex is already building his new fairy tale story. My pride could not accept that. The hitting/slapping possibility seemed to have faded already that’s why I had to the courage to shake her up a little bit.

She’s the kind of girl who needs everyone she loves to be at her side at times of distress. She was starting to compose herself when calls started coming in and friends started dropping by at that very moment to console her. I could already imagine her repeating the same story over and over again.
Break ups, whew.

Friday, April 10, 2009

Can You Keep A Secret?

I've read this book by Sophie Kinsella two weeks ago. You bet nobody could talk to me for 8 hours straight. For a moment my world was eaten alive by this book.

It was a fun read. Secrets were just a plain no-tell stuffs for me, never magnified nor were given much emphasis before this book (at least for me). It's funny how nonsense secrets can turn a person's world around by a mere outburst of emotions, not holding a single thing back.

I've always been a fan of easy-read, light novels. (That's why I can't seem to finish Persuasion by Jane Austen hehe.)

My everyday, harmless-to-spill secrets...

1. Looking at a stranger - I may be judging him for what he's wearing. I may be wondering, could he be The One. Or I may be saying, you could've at least combed your hair before stepping out of your house.

2. Spending my 8 working hours - I tire myself out sorting all the problems of the business. I stare blankly at the computer, wishing I were just writing instead. I dream of being employed somewhere else. Could I just vanish and transport myself into a world of my own making? (I'm not saying I wish to be a complete schizo huh.)

3. Before going to bed - Can I just call on sick tomorrow at work? I don't want to, but I have to brush my teeth! Would God understand if I skip the bible and just say a quick prayer?

4. Wanting to buy a good pair of shoes - Eyes all wide at the price tag and proudly say, "Oh well, it's really not that beautiful." *Heart breaking*

5. Walking in the mall - Are they staring? (But actually I've learned people don't stare at others because they are way too busy thinking if people are staring at them too!)

We all have secrets. Some are as petty as my harmless-to-spill, but it is so unimaginable if our most precious secrets were spilled out uncontrollably! In my case, I would be in an immensely shameful situation! My dad giving me a full day lecture for not being the perfect boss, people staring and having to read my mind, friends laughing at my expense! Oh dear...

Sunday, April 5, 2009

An Old Photo

My brother gave me this photo of my mom this morning, asking me to keep it. I looked at the photo of her and my dad walking down the aisle not as bride and groom but as principal sponsors in a wedding. My mom was wearing flat shoes and I instantly thought, she was not very fashionable!

My mom went through a lot in the past. I mean when I was in grade school, she already had brain surgery. Probably her 9th surgery by then. Who in the world could have endured series of surgeries in her lifetime?

She was a CPA and an Accounting teacher before she had that operation. People respected her, and listened to what she had to say (or else they'd fail). I used to hear comments that my mom was a tough teacher, but it didn't bother me. I was even proud that her students gave a high regard when they heard my mom's name.

I heard all our close relatives worried about my mom. They said that there was a possibility that she could no longer remember any of us after the surgery, or she may totally lose her mobility, practically half-dead. All of us waited in anguish.

A particular story by my aunt marked on me. After the surgery, she checked on my mom on the recovery room, I suppose. She saw my mom opened her eyes and looked at her. She was praying God make her remember...make her remember... My mom lifted her hand slowly and waved at her. My aunt was overjoyed that she didn't respond to my mom, rather she ran away and spread the good news to everyone else. Wasn't my mom a tough lady?

But after the surgery she had to quit teaching as her speech and her right hand were a little impaired. She could still write, but not as magnificent as she used to. She was having problems with her balance and preferred not to wear her high heels anymore. She stammered a little when she spoke, but her smile was still the same. That warm smile she always gave to everyone around her.

I used to sit by her as she practiced her speech, reading aloud every newspaper and books at hand. She went through a therapy to make her right hand stronger. She was putting different things in their respective holes as her training.

I knew she was having a hard time, and she cried sometimes. But she was a survivor. And with her perseverance in therapy and her determination to get better, I admired her more. Not everyone would still have the same passion in life after going through a long, agonizing recovery she had to go through. She continued her profession and remained managing her accounting firm and later on, she could very well write her very precious signature.

And after all that, there she was on that aisle, all professional-like, respectable and very adorable in my eyes, even with her flat shoes!

Thursday, March 19, 2009

Midday Madness

It’s just midday and my head’s already spinning from countless ideas I thought I should be writing about rather than just imagining myself doing.

I always have delayed reactions over things. My dad/boss always criticizes me for not having a timetable, for not setting up a deadline coz I’m always late. (Based on his own schedule, that is).

But the thing is, it’s not that I don’t plan the things that I do. I overdo it. I overthink things, literally. I am a perfectionist who lives in a tiny imaginative world. I set up high standards for myself, for my family, for the business, for the church, for the world! And I gaze on it, lost in oblivion. What do I do with it? Where do I start?

This happens only when I am already bored and also when I’m pressured or threatened or just sick of the things that I do. Ergo, it happens all the time. I’ve ALWAYS tried to figure out what’s not right. With everything that I’ve already said, that’s already predictable, eh? I blamed the circumstances and the people around me. But sometimes on my dark moments, I become hard on myself and blame everything on me why I can’t meet my own standards.

It’s all about perspective. It’s all about attitude. It’s all about choosing to be happy. I know every inch of it. I’ve heard and read everything about it. I’ve studied it all, and trained myself to “look at things differently.”

I guess it’s just hard to be in a situation that your entire being simply doesn’t agree with but you just can’t get out of.

I know, I know. The choice to be happy still applies.

Shall I think about it more? Argh.

Thursday, February 19, 2009

When your efforts are not being recognized

Yesterday, I got all the check marks I've been dreading to see on my daily planner. It was a nice list with all the accomplished tasks. My sister and my brother whom I am working with in our business are off to vacation in Palawan & Boracay. Click here and you'll understand why I'm a little envious, aside from the fact that they left me with all their unresolved problems here.

Nevertheless, I've found some form of encouragement yesterday and was so enthusiastic with my work. Have you ever got that feeling that you are just truly satisfied with your day, as if you were the most diligent person in the world? Those check marks were simply rewarding.

Sadly, it took me just 24 hours to savor that feeling of fulfillment. This morning, somehow all the positive outlook seemed to escape me after I was robbed of that very nice feeling I was trying to hold yesterday. It was a total 180-degree turn. Thoughts of futile efforts, not being able to do my job well (with other people's standards, that is), and settling for little accomplishments (when in fact I have yet done anything based on other people's standards again) kept bugging me all throughout the day.

So I had to reorganize my thoughts before going to bed. I had to remind myself of my role and my purpose in everything that I do. I know if I let all these overpower me, I'd get nowhere. Initial thought. But how do I get out of it?

I'm still in that thinking process.

Sunday, January 25, 2009

When It's Just in My Head

I've been thinking if I have to create another blog. I don't think my thoughts are well-organized in my blogs. I do write stories of my life, I write nonsense circumstances on my day, fiction etc. I'm still not sure if I have to segregate them into categories. Yeah, I'm a bit obsessive compulsive but very terrible in organizing stuffs. I have a lot of things going on in my head and I just can't make any of it happen!

Expect to see my working table so messy, but fixing it has been on top of my plan. I've had several blog entries undone because I'd just stop writing in the middle of it. I've been calling prospective clients and then I'd lose interest if I'm not able to close a deal immediately. It takes me quite a while to organize the books at the bottom of my bed, coz I can't figure out the best way to do it. (Yeah, it's freaky to think there's even a best way to arrange a pile of books by your bed!) And if it isn't the perfect one, I wouldn't want to do it at all. I want perfection. That's why nothing happens because it's all in my head.

If I were able to post this now, I'd be proud of myself ha ha.

Friday, January 23, 2009

When She Prayed

My admin employees were in chaos for the past 2 weeks, I guess, as we've been terribly busy. It's a good thing that our production is at it's peak. Talk about renewal of business permits, and people just keep coming in.

They say that the true character of a person is manifested when he's stressed or under pressure. I'm also guilty of being improper when I'm tired. When my staff asks me practically everything, when they throw on me all the unresolved problems of clients, and when they give me the last say on every decision to be made, I just transform into a green-eyed monster for a moment.

Of course after my outburst, I'd realize my mistake. There was even one time that I gathered them all together to apologize for my misbehaviors. Some business owners would advice that I don't get to excuse any decisions I make or anything I want to say or when I should say it. But I feel otherwise. I also deal with human beings whom I may have caused emotional trauma because of my own emotional instability. I don't think admitting mistakes would make me less of a person or a boss for that matter.

Anyway, maybe I have passed on my panic and distress to my staffs. For over a week now, when bulk of transactions come in, I just feel no harmony in the office. They get irritated with each other easily and they blame each other for petty mistakes. I couldn't stand hearing them not getting along well (at my watch!).

I intended to talk with them and settle whatever misunderstandings they have. But just this morning, I was really amazed when one of my staffs approached me and told me that everything was already settled among them. Apparently, she prayed about it last night and instantly, she received a message from her co-employee apologizing for her behavior. What a fast answer was that!

I was thinking, I never thought of praying about it! I was so overwhelmed by too much distraction at work and I never even thought of praying about it! Did I think I could handle it myself? Did I think it was too petty to ask?

Even that tiny little detail of her existence, and she prayed about it! I seldom do that. I got too focused on my busyness and when she prayed, I felt it was as if I were called to be more in tune with God.

Just a realization.

Wednesday, January 21, 2009

The Last 60 Minutes

I almost felt relieved when I saw it was already 4:30pm. 60 minutes to go! Hooray! I was excited to go home and was already busy writing down my schedule of endless deliveries for tomorrow when my driver whom I sent to the bank for cash deposit called me up and told me that the bank employee said there was no cash on the bag I gave him. My driver was so trusting enough not to doublecheck the bag earlier before leaving it to the bank!

Of course I was in panic. That was Php 6000 and intended for our branch employees! I had that familiar feeling of being betrayed.

Around 2 months ago, I gave a cash salary to my employee and it was already the next morning that I realized I gave him more than what he was supposed to get. (After I checking that my cash ending balance was incorrect) But of course, (and to my great disbelief) he denied it. When I asked him how much money did I give him, he answered so quickly, complete with the bill denominations and all, and got his "witness" ready. It happened so quickly that it seemed rehearsed.

I really couldn't believe that somebody is capable of such deceit. I was like 200% sure that I gave him like 500-peso excess but he totally denied it and I couldn't even say a word staring at him denying it right in front of my face. How can a person do such a thing?

But since I had no proof and since he must have already connived with another employee, I let it pass. He won't get any richer with just 500 pesos anyway.

But this afternoon when I lost that 6,000, it was just distressing. I talked with the front teller of the bank and he told me that he found no money in the bag. Sounds familiar. He seemed so sincere over the phone. I even doubted my own confidence that I put the money inside. But I looked everywhere and was again 200% convinced that I really put the money in the bag. I even called the bank manager who happened to be our family's friend and asked for help but the investigation was futile. I somehow expected it, as the money can be easily hidden and the deposit slip thrown away.

I blamed myself for trusting people too much or simply for being too complacent on money matters. I've always had this feeling that people are good by nature and that if your intentions for people are good, generally, they would give back the same kindness to you.

For the second time, I was cheated with money. I felt disappointed and betrayed by the world. In my whole life I never once thought of fooling other people just to get a few bucks, or a couple of thousand. Are people really that evil nowadays? When they think nobody's looking, would they just do things cheating other people for their own benefit?

I know that's too naive. And maybe, believing that people are innately good is dumb. This is a fallen world.

Whoever got that money will never get away. That I am sure of. He may think that he had already got away with his little evil scheme, laughing wickedly for his victory. I may not be able to catch him at all but I know that there is always someone greater than us watching our every move and knowing our hearts. He will never get away.

Friday, January 2, 2009

It's Time

2 days to go and vacation is over. Back to the real world (and by that I mean, the scary part). Well, I work with our family's business with my dad as my boss. That's the scary part. I'm seeing him 24/7 and he knows every single thing about me, or at least what time I wake up and where I go every day.

Having him as my boss at work and even at home is kind of exhausting. Having to explain to him the littlest detail of where I go after work is even harder. It's confusing really. I'm turning 25 in a few days and I still feel like a little girl with him. Yet when it comes to work, he seems to expect a lot from me.

For over a year, I've heard less from him since he was busy with his farm and I had the liberty to decide things on my own. But on Monday, he'll be coming back and join me again! I'm not quite sure if it's really a good news. I've been thinking about that everyday and I'm really terrified of not doing things his way.

I think I'll just have to keep in mind my friend's advice. Just do your thing. Yeah, if the world isn't pleased at the end of the day, I can still say I did my part.

By the way, I'm still at the office right now preparing for the Monday blast. How can you say no to your boss?