"Hi"

*Another people-from-the-past post*

I find meeting people from childhood exciting. I can just imagine them 15 years ago - all those soiled looks because of endless playing, the talking about the cartoon shows that seemed so important then, all those little fights - then suddenly bump into them one day all grown up. I find it interesting to see how they look and behave now.

A few months ago, I learned that an employee of one of the biggest clients I have right now was a classmate in grade school. We've talked a lot on the phone and she was pretty nice to me. She was even addressing me very politely and was accommodating with my requests and inquiries.

So when I got an invitation for a supplier's engagement in their company, I was thrilled to see her and maybe catch up a little. After all I haven't seen her since 6th grade. Honestly, I'm not really fond of small talks with people from the past whom I have not shared relevant memories with, and I have to admit sometimes I even hide (literally) to people if I'm not in a very nice mood to greet them (which happens very often). But with this particular case, I was really excited. Her being my client added up to the excitement of course.

I entered the conference room with a bunch of people in the registration area and instantly I spotted her. Even with glasses on, I already recognized her. I put on the warmest smile I could ever give to someone and waited for her to return my look.

Finally, she saw me.

"Hi." And she went back to fixing whatever those papers were and instructing all those in the registration.

That was all I got. I didn't have the nerve to go on with the "how are you" after my friendliest "hi" since she didn't seem interested on pursuing any form of conversation with me.

I don't recall any instance that I was mean to her nor did we fight in 6th grade. Even so, it was in 6th grade for goodness' sake. I wonder why was she not so pleasant as she seemed on the phone. I'm thinking maybe she thought it was improper to be all friendly in a professional setting as that. Or maybe she was not just in the mood. Is this what I get from hiding from people? Or maybe she's just not very friendly at all. The bad thing is, I felt a certain air of arrogance in her actions and even in her short hi. It felt like "Oh well I work in this company and you're just my contractor."

Obviously, I'm overanalyzing again. I may be overreacting but I really find her greeting very forced and rude.

I just wish I wasn't that excited to deserve a very ordinary reaction.

It's Hard to be Ugly

I had a short chat with a former college classmate whom I have not seen for more than 5 years already. I’m really surprised every time I bump into “old people” in my life and after the how are you’s, the next question would automatically be “are you getting married yet?” or “do you have a boyfriend?” At this age, is it really mandatory to ask those questions? (Maybe I’m overanalyzing this again because I don’t have a boyfriend haha. That's a different story.)

Anyway, so I had to tell the truth of course that I’m not seeing anyone. Instinctively, I felt I had to ask him the same question. And more surprisingly, he said “It’s hard to be ugly.”

Wait!!! I don’t know how to answer that statement! Should I boost his confidence? Should I say oh poor you…?

Most guys I get to talk with have a big mouth, talking endlessly about themselves. Even if they are not objectively handsome, they remain to be OVERLY confident, which sometimes leaves me wondering where they get that confidence from. So I guess, I find those guys “normal.”

However, this is one very rare case that a guy bluntly said to me that he is ugly. If ever I need to ask a guy if he’s seeing anyone, I would expect a plain yes or no answer and then shift back to talking about himself. I don’t really like guys who feel that every species on earth would swoon at the sight of them, but meeting someone who does not have even scraps of confidence makes me draw back from him.

I almost told him he will never have a girlfriend if he talks like that to everyone he meets! Does he think anyone would still go out with him after hearing him say that he himself thinks he is ugly? But of course I didn’t go all motherly with him and give him a lecture on how to handle proper conversation with girls!

But maybe he’s just kidding? Nah, no sane person would do that.

When Writing About Me is Hard To Do

I read several blogs almost everyday and most of the time I am amazed how people are able to open up their life online.

I find it hard to write about me. Originally, this blog should serve that purpose. But my daily dilemma when I face the computer is- what do I write about?

Main reasons why I find it hard to write about me:

1. My life seems boring. Can't find anything interesting to write about. I spend about 10 hours a day at work. That's a family business so technically I'm with my family 24/7.
2. Some of my real friends know this blog so I can't really say what I want to say without worrying about spilling too much.
3. I write me in a third person. I mask my life stories into something not-so-me. My other blog reflects more about me.
4. I'm afraid of being judged. Too much. Even if about 80% who gets to read my blog don't know me at all, I feel people can see right through me and have a preconceived idea of me.
5. Clearly, I overthink.

8 Stuffs

This is my second tag from Mel but I haven't done the first one yet.. (Sorry!)

8 Things I look forward to:

1. Playing with my 4-month old niece after office. I love it when she lights up upon seeing me and gives me that huge toothless grin!
2. My 1-year old nephew's first visit in the Philippines. He can walk now and he's so cute when I saw him in YouTube!
3. Watching Wolverine with my church group. I hope I get the free ticket!
4. Beach party with the college kids! It's summer and we're planning to have a youth party. I may have to cook the pasta again for them but well, it's gonna be fun!
5. Spending a weekend with the entire family- as in complete family, with the new members! (Yes, the niece and nephew again.) Maybe we'll just eat out or spend it in Ocean Adventure at Subic.
6. Fire Trees! They bloom in May! I pass by that road every summer just to stare at those trees.
7. Davids concert. Gonna watch it with my century old bud.
8. Another vacation trip this year, just in the country.

8 Things I Did Yesterday

1. Bought new phone, finally!
2. Took a huge glass of lemon juice. It's good for liver detoxification. I take it every morning, as soon as I wake up.
3. Chat with an old friend and updated her on the last break up I've heard. That's the 3rd for this month.
4. Shared a ride with a churchmate who has a calling to become a pastor. That's just amazing!
5. Ate pizza and pasta at Sbarro all by myself while watching previous episodes of Greys Anatomy so I won't seem to be such a big loser for eating alone.
6. Had a therapy to check how my immune system is doing.
7. Explored my new phone I'm really enjoying. Now it's easier to blog anywhere!
8. Checked out couple of blogs and did this tag. I'll do the other one soon, Mel! =)

8 Things I Wish I Could Do

1. Always say the right words at the right time.
2. Sing. Tried voice lessons in the past but still it didn't work. Well, I have an excuse though. I just had 2 sessions of it.
3. Tell what people are thinking.
4. Go to places without needing a passport. (By mere closing of my eyes, perhaps?) I really want to go to Japan this May! Heard it's beautiful there during this season...
5. Understand the meaning of babies' cries and what they really need instead of trying everything before I get it right. I've seen it in Oprah once. (Meanings of baby cries). I'm not sure if it's true, though.
6. Cook. I know how to cook just TWO dishes and I still need a cook book just to make sure sure sure that I get it right.
7. Be like Hiro Nakamura. Go back in time and be at those moments when I could have told my mom how much I love her before she passed away.
8. Carry out the task intended for me to do, before my time is up.

8 Shows I Watch:

1. American Idol. I'm a Gokey fan.
2. Grey's Anatomy
3. Any cooking show that's on.
The end. I spend too much time out or reading, I don't get to watch tv anymore.

I'm tagging everyone now. =) It's quite fun assessing what you're doing everyday or what's going on in your mind. This 8 things really made me think. =)

Two of the Many Me’s

1st Scenario: I’m with a group of college students having casual conversations- school, clothing, parties, French fries, name it- and I am that chatty and loud person, giggling to almost everything like a little school girl. And they adore me.

2nd Scenario: I’m with a group of people of my age (probably I’m the youngest) and we talk about something more serious- life, Christianity, health, politics (Ugh! I read the paper but I am not a fan of meditating on what’s happening in the country.) Still, I’d like to believe I give relevant insights on these conversations. I may sometimes be lazy, but I’m not dumb to have my opinion on the profundity of things.

So all of these leave me wondering what I’m really like in front of people? Am I the serious type who can deal with talking about life’s complexities or am I the one who laughs crazily over the most insignificant detail one can ever talk about?

I get the respect of different people on different age brackets, from 40 somethings down to 3 year-olds, when I’m really in the intellectual zone. I get all big-sisterly over the college kids and they seem to learn from me. But then again I also do behave in a way that I can relate to them that makes me feel so childish I wonder the other generation would be surprised upon learning how silly I can also get.

I haven’t really been all chatty with the grown ups because I feel compelled to act more maturely. And I ought to. I am 25! They certainly have fun in a different way than the young ones. I do enjoy both, but I’m hesitant to be giggly or to jump in excitement in front them. I’m supposed to be respectable!

Now I wonder, am I authentic or fraud? Am I a grown up or pretending to be?

Midday Madness

It’s just midday and my head’s already spinning from countless ideas I thought I should be writing about rather than just imagining myself doing.

I always have delayed reactions over things. My dad/boss always criticizes me for not having a timetable, for not setting up a deadline coz I’m always late. (Based on his own schedule, that is).

But the thing is, it’s not that I don’t plan the things that I do. I overdo it. I overthink things, literally. I am a perfectionist who lives in a tiny imaginative world. I set up high standards for myself, for my family, for the business, for the church, for the world! And I gaze on it, lost in oblivion. What do I do with it? Where do I start?

This happens only when I am already bored and also when I’m pressured or threatened or just sick of the things that I do. Ergo, it happens all the time. I’ve ALWAYS tried to figure out what’s not right. With everything that I’ve already said, that’s already predictable, eh? I blamed the circumstances and the people around me. But sometimes on my dark moments, I become hard on myself and blame everything on me why I can’t meet my own standards.

It’s all about perspective. It’s all about attitude. It’s all about choosing to be happy. I know every inch of it. I’ve heard and read everything about it. I’ve studied it all, and trained myself to “look at things differently.”

I guess it’s just hard to be in a situation that your entire being simply doesn’t agree with but you just can’t get out of.

I know, I know. The choice to be happy still applies.

Shall I think about it more? Argh.