Thursday, March 19, 2009

Midday Madness

It’s just midday and my head’s already spinning from countless ideas I thought I should be writing about rather than just imagining myself doing.

I always have delayed reactions over things. My dad/boss always criticizes me for not having a timetable, for not setting up a deadline coz I’m always late. (Based on his own schedule, that is).

But the thing is, it’s not that I don’t plan the things that I do. I overdo it. I overthink things, literally. I am a perfectionist who lives in a tiny imaginative world. I set up high standards for myself, for my family, for the business, for the church, for the world! And I gaze on it, lost in oblivion. What do I do with it? Where do I start?

This happens only when I am already bored and also when I’m pressured or threatened or just sick of the things that I do. Ergo, it happens all the time. I’ve ALWAYS tried to figure out what’s not right. With everything that I’ve already said, that’s already predictable, eh? I blamed the circumstances and the people around me. But sometimes on my dark moments, I become hard on myself and blame everything on me why I can’t meet my own standards.

It’s all about perspective. It’s all about attitude. It’s all about choosing to be happy. I know every inch of it. I’ve heard and read everything about it. I’ve studied it all, and trained myself to “look at things differently.”

I guess it’s just hard to be in a situation that your entire being simply doesn’t agree with but you just can’t get out of.

I know, I know. The choice to be happy still applies.

Shall I think about it more? Argh.

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