This Isn't About American Idol

Yesterday I was all set to go home early to catch up with American Idol’s elimination. Yes, I’m a huge fan (of any singing competition for that matter). I have already searched it online early in the morning and I already knew who was going to be eliminated. Thanks to those blogging live! But still I wanted to catch it on the replay.

On my way home I called my friend who was supposed to be watching the concert of Season 7's two Davids with me this coming May. I couldn't wait to confirm our reservation and she has not answered any of my calls this week! After another try to contact her, she finally picked up. Yay. But it was only for me to find out that she might not make it because of some meeting/conference/seminar. It all sounded the same to me. What else can I do, right?


I already wanted to hang up, thinking of someone else to come with me, but she was trying to hold the call for a few more seconds. All right, you're not decided yet if you want to watch, can we say bye bye now? Finally, after those few seconds of uneasiness, she said she wanted to see me and probably hang out at Starbucks. Oh yeah, I missed a tiny detail. She's the one whose ex recently broadcasted his being in a new relationship. Of course she wanted someone to talk to and sure I wanted to be a good friend.

But...but...my American Idol... "It's elimination today! Matt is going home!" I unknowingly blurted out. Did I just say that?

"What???" I could already imagine her eyes almost bursting into tears. Would I choose a TV show over a friend in need? Her reproach made me feel guilty of course. But I just wanted to loosen her up so instead of going to Starbucks and reinstating how miserable she is, maybe coming over to my house to watch TV wouldn't be so bad? And I'd be happy too! *wink

But then again, I'm not heartless... Instead of my room's big screen, I was up to massive amount of sugar intake! (I try to go away with coffee so I ordered the lesser evil- green tea frapp minus the whipped cream.) I listened to her stories, as if it were the first time I ever heard of it. She was filled with questions and was in denial I've never witnessed in my entire life! They've already had problems for over a year now and officially broke up 7 months ago, but still she feels dejected and cheated.

Of course I know how hard it is. She was still hoping for a reconciliation even when she was told the feelings were not the same anymore and that it was over. Until now. I couldn't bear seeing her that way and I wanted to shake her again and again to wake her up from her nightmare. It's long been over and she couldn't accept it.

No matter what I tell her, I know the choice remains to be hers. Either she locks herself up to that detestable position of wanting to fix something that's long been broken to the point that the pieces already cuts herself, or she accepts the reality already glaring in front of her.

It's going to be a long and agonizing ride.

By the way, I knew there was another replay later that night. =)

Hysteria

I got a call from my friend 2 hours ago and I knew right away that there was a problem. She never calls on midmornings if everything were fine. And in a split second, she appeared at my office crying her heart out, wailing at the news that her ex-boyfriend has a new girlfriend already. I never thought she’d be able to get to my office after hearing her on the phone. I was thinking she might get into an accident or something. That was how terrible she sounded.

I’ve always had a hard time comforting people crying in front of me. Of course I couldn’t say “don’t worry it’s gonna be okay” knowing that at the state of her hysteria, that kind of consolation is totally unacceptable. If I were in her place, that would really be illogical.

I was thinking how would I want to be consoled in that situation? I’ve had my share of heartbreaks and my mind was closed from any form of explanation. All I wanted was to pour out my misery and to be heard.

Maybe that was what she needed as well. But still, would I just sit there watching her burst in tears? It was kind of awkward to even touch her as I might invade her personal space in her panic attack and suffer all her surfacing rage! I didn’t want to be hit or slapped in the face after all.

By some magical moments that have passed, she calmed down. And I had to be hard on her saying that it’s over. (As if I were the one who broke up with her.) She had to hear it straight because between her little sobs, I could already hear her unthinkable ideas that it might not be true, maybe that was just a joke.

I mean, c’mon! It was as clear as the summer sky that the guy had already moved on. And I cannot accept that a dear friend of mind would be stuck in a deep, pathetic mess while the ex is already building his new fairy tale story. My pride could not accept that. The hitting/slapping possibility seemed to have faded already that’s why I had to the courage to shake her up a little bit.

She’s the kind of girl who needs everyone she loves to be at her side at times of distress. She was starting to compose herself when calls started coming in and friends started dropping by at that very moment to console her. I could already imagine her repeating the same story over and over again.
Break ups, whew.