"Hi"

*Another people-from-the-past post*

I find meeting people from childhood exciting. I can just imagine them 15 years ago - all those soiled looks because of endless playing, the talking about the cartoon shows that seemed so important then, all those little fights - then suddenly bump into them one day all grown up. I find it interesting to see how they look and behave now.

A few months ago, I learned that an employee of one of the biggest clients I have right now was a classmate in grade school. We've talked a lot on the phone and she was pretty nice to me. She was even addressing me very politely and was accommodating with my requests and inquiries.

So when I got an invitation for a supplier's engagement in their company, I was thrilled to see her and maybe catch up a little. After all I haven't seen her since 6th grade. Honestly, I'm not really fond of small talks with people from the past whom I have not shared relevant memories with, and I have to admit sometimes I even hide (literally) to people if I'm not in a very nice mood to greet them (which happens very often). But with this particular case, I was really excited. Her being my client added up to the excitement of course.

I entered the conference room with a bunch of people in the registration area and instantly I spotted her. Even with glasses on, I already recognized her. I put on the warmest smile I could ever give to someone and waited for her to return my look.

Finally, she saw me.

"Hi." And she went back to fixing whatever those papers were and instructing all those in the registration.

That was all I got. I didn't have the nerve to go on with the "how are you" after my friendliest "hi" since she didn't seem interested on pursuing any form of conversation with me.

I don't recall any instance that I was mean to her nor did we fight in 6th grade. Even so, it was in 6th grade for goodness' sake. I wonder why was she not so pleasant as she seemed on the phone. I'm thinking maybe she thought it was improper to be all friendly in a professional setting as that. Or maybe she was not just in the mood. Is this what I get from hiding from people? Or maybe she's just not very friendly at all. The bad thing is, I felt a certain air of arrogance in her actions and even in her short hi. It felt like "Oh well I work in this company and you're just my contractor."

Obviously, I'm overanalyzing again. I may be overreacting but I really find her greeting very forced and rude.

I just wish I wasn't that excited to deserve a very ordinary reaction.

It's Hard to be Ugly

I had a short chat with a former college classmate whom I have not seen for more than 5 years already. I’m really surprised every time I bump into “old people” in my life and after the how are you’s, the next question would automatically be “are you getting married yet?” or “do you have a boyfriend?” At this age, is it really mandatory to ask those questions? (Maybe I’m overanalyzing this again because I don’t have a boyfriend haha. That's a different story.)

Anyway, so I had to tell the truth of course that I’m not seeing anyone. Instinctively, I felt I had to ask him the same question. And more surprisingly, he said “It’s hard to be ugly.”

Wait!!! I don’t know how to answer that statement! Should I boost his confidence? Should I say oh poor you…?

Most guys I get to talk with have a big mouth, talking endlessly about themselves. Even if they are not objectively handsome, they remain to be OVERLY confident, which sometimes leaves me wondering where they get that confidence from. So I guess, I find those guys “normal.”

However, this is one very rare case that a guy bluntly said to me that he is ugly. If ever I need to ask a guy if he’s seeing anyone, I would expect a plain yes or no answer and then shift back to talking about himself. I don’t really like guys who feel that every species on earth would swoon at the sight of them, but meeting someone who does not have even scraps of confidence makes me draw back from him.

I almost told him he will never have a girlfriend if he talks like that to everyone he meets! Does he think anyone would still go out with him after hearing him say that he himself thinks he is ugly? But of course I didn’t go all motherly with him and give him a lecture on how to handle proper conversation with girls!

But maybe he’s just kidding? Nah, no sane person would do that.

When Writing About Me is Hard To Do

I read several blogs almost everyday and most of the time I am amazed how people are able to open up their life online.

I find it hard to write about me. Originally, this blog should serve that purpose. But my daily dilemma when I face the computer is- what do I write about?

Main reasons why I find it hard to write about me:

1. My life seems boring. Can't find anything interesting to write about. I spend about 10 hours a day at work. That's a family business so technically I'm with my family 24/7.
2. Some of my real friends know this blog so I can't really say what I want to say without worrying about spilling too much.
3. I write me in a third person. I mask my life stories into something not-so-me. My other blog reflects more about me.
4. I'm afraid of being judged. Too much. Even if about 80% who gets to read my blog don't know me at all, I feel people can see right through me and have a preconceived idea of me.
5. Clearly, I overthink.